A Keyblade is NOT a Hoe
by Wayward Child
Summary: Sora and the gang find themselves in an odd world called Mineral Town, and they're stuck there until the Gummi Ship is fixed. However, sure enough trouble emerges, posing problems for the men in town. It's up to Sora and the others to save the day. [FoMT]
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1:**

"Hey! Check that world out! We haven't been to a place like that!" declared a rather distorted voice. The bearer of said voice was a fifteen-year-old boy, whose round and childish face was pressed up against the glass of a round window. Fog flickered in the areas where his nose and mouth were, and his hands smudged the glass as well as he pushed his face even closer, as though to get a better view.

"Sora! Get your face off the glass!" squawked a coarse voice, coming from the driver of the ship. He handed the controls over to the dog-like creature next to him, hopped down from his seat, and his orange webbed feet tapped loudly upon the metallic floor as he waddled over towards the boy.

The other two beings on the ship watched in utter amusement as the white duck grabbed the boy by one of the many straps on his pants, jerking Sora violently away from the window. The teen, caught off-guard by the act stumbled back, and landed on top of the poor Mage, who responded with his signature "Waaaaak!"

This caused the anthromorphic dog to turn his head away from the controls and towards the sudden commotion, a goofy smile spread across his buck-toothed maw.

"Gawrsh Donald! Not so hard next time," he stated over the laughter of the other two. Both the redheaded girl and the silver-haired boy were buckled over at the sight of their friend using his comrade as a cushion.

"Oh shut it, Goofy," grumbled the duck, trying to pry himself out from under Sora. His blue eyes flickered over to the other two. "And you too, Kairi…Riku." The redhead pointed to herself in a 'Who, me?' sort of manner, while the silver-haired lad crossed his arms over his chest, shaking his head while chuckling under breath.

Sora rubbed the back of his spiky-haired head, and leapt up as soon as he realized who his cushion was.

"I'm sorry Donald!" he stated, helping the duck up. His companion merely grumbled, arms akimbo and tapping his now-grounded feet in a rather agitated manner. Sora laughed, still rubbing the back of his head. He then looked over towards the window, and pointed, making sure not to touch it.

"But take a look at that world. We haven't ever been to a place like that, right?"

At this, the duck peered out the window, a brow raised in a pathetically disguised curiousity.

"Sora, have you forgotten what we're suppose to be doing?" came the deep voice of Riku, whose jade eyes were closed as though in thought. "The King told us we have to clean the worlds of the remaining Heartless and Nobodies, not to go sight-seeing."

Donald tore his gaze away from the window, nodding his beaked head as he waddled back to the controls.

"Exactly! No detours!" he stated blandly, leaping back into his seat, taking up the controls yet again.

Sora narrowed his large blue eyes, pouting slightly as he sunk back into his seat facing across from his two friends. Kairi, upon seeing his disgruntled disposition, laughed slightly.

"Aren't you looking forward to seeing your friends in Agrabah?" she inquired, leaning forward slightly, her delicate hands placed on her pink dress.

The brunette nodded, though his body was still hunched over. His eyes looked to the ground, appearing as though he was thinking of something. Suddenly, he perked up, rising to his large feet.

"Well, what if this world had an infestation of Heartless, hmmm? What kind of heroes would we be if we just ditched it?" he sticks his pointer finger up to the ceiling, as though such idea was a brilliant one.

Goofy looked back, nodding his head slightly. "Y'know, I think Sora has a point," he said to Donald. "For all we know, this world could have an investmentation-"

"Infestation," the three teens corrected simultaneously.

"-uh, right, infestation of them Heartless and Nobodies." The Goof continued, fixing his cap. "Maybe if we go and take a look…"

"NOOOOO!" quacks the duck, shaking his head from side to side and his large beak became a blur as he did so. "No detours!" he reiterated, glaring at the vast space ahead of him with narrowed eyes.

At this, Sora walked over to the duck, hands on his hips as he bent over to the driving Mage's height.

"C'mon Donald. What would the King say if he found out we left a world alone, only for it to be consumed by darkness? He'd certainly give you a stern lecture. Some Royal Mage you are." At this, he cocked his eyebrow, a playful grin on his face as he straightened up and crossed his arms.

You could almost hear the steam coming out of the duck's nonexistent ears, and he slammed his feet down on the breaks. The Gummi Ship jolted forward, sending Sora flying over the seat and Riku and Kairi fell to the ground. Only Goofy and Donald, who were the only two seated in protected seats, remained seated.

"Fine. We'll go to this new world," grumbled the duck. "And if there are no Heartless…"

"We take a vacation!" Sora stated as soon as he got up, pumping his fist into the air. The white duck was about to open his beak to retort, but he was interrupted by Kairi who was still sprawled out on the ground atop of Riku.

"Right now, a vacation seems nice…"

"Good, then I get to fly it there," Sora said, nodding his head as he tried to take hold of the controls.

"NO SORA! LET GO!"

"But I want to _fly it_," the boy whined as he and Donald struggled over the wheel. Goofy sat there, watching to two while Kairi and Riku bucked along with the ship as it went this way and that.

"Now ain't this familiar…" the Knight stated, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "If I didn't know better, I'd be thinkin' that we'll…"

"LOOK OUT!" cried Riku, jumping to his feet as he pointed to the oncoming world. Sora looked over his shoulder, and his cerulean eyes nearly bulged out of his sockets. He climbed over the chair in a hurried manner, getting ready to duck and cover. Kairi was already shielding her eyes in a vain attempt to protect her face, as Riku tripped over one of the chipmunks who was too busy worrying about the smudged window to notice any other presence of danger. Donald grabbed at the controls and pulled back on them in a desperate attempt to right the ship up, and Goofy let loose one of his hollers.

And the Gummi Ship crashed into an abandoned field, missing by a couple of feet a run-down shack that once was a farm.

----:::----

Upon hearing a crash, the Mayor of the town ran towards the area in which he heard said noise, as fast as his short stubby legs could take him. His large mustache quivered slightly as he found himself following the noise to the abandoned farm, and hoped that the roof of the barn hadn't caved in again; or worse, the house itself.

He tugged on his large, stove-pipe hat, red in colouring to match his suit. His bulbous nose protruded from his face, and his beady eyes could be seen behind small glasses perched on said nose. He peered into the farm cautiously, and to his utter astonishment found three people crawling out of a strange contraption.

Straightening his yellow bow-tie, the man approached them, holding his hands behind his back with his nose in the air, as though he were someone of utter importance. A rooster and a dog came bursting out of the contraption, the bird squawking wildly at the brunette boy with oddly shaped hair, while the dog tripped over its fee, its large floppy ears getting in the way. The mayor cleared his throat, and the other two beings, a young girl and an older boy, looked at his direction, while the other boy was still defending himself against the wrath of the rooster.

"AHEM!" the man cleared his throat louder, and now all attention was on him. He grinned, looking odd and foolish at the same time, and he spread out his arms wide in greeting.

"Welcome to Mineral Town!"

----:::--------:::----

**Wayward Child here, and this is my first fanfic on this account. I hope I can finish this, considering I have a tendency to desert my stories because I can't handle keeping them up…eheh…**

**Anyhoo, I know I need to work on tenses, I always seem to have trouble with this. And other side notes: Yes, this takes place after KH2, Flames don't bother me, I don't mind critiques, and I hope you enjoy this story.**

**Carry on my: Wayward Child **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

The trio looked at the man in a curious manner.

"Mineral Town?" Kairi echoed. Her hand was now at her dress as she mindlessly fingered a tear in the outfit. Sora grinned, and was about to place his hands behind his head in his usual manner, but winced when he noticed the scratches along his arm that were from the rooster, who was apparently Donald.

"Ah, a new world!" He stated triumphantly, rubbing his wounds with his opposite hand, wincing once again. The Mayor blinked as the brunette made his way closer to him, bending down to the stubby man's height.

"I'm Sora! This is Donald," he motioned to the rooster who was now fussing over the broken ship, and then pointed to the dog who was laughing at himself once again for tripping over his ears for the third time in a row, "And that's Goofy."

A short moment passed, and when it was clear that Sora believed his introduction was completed, Riku cleared his throat. Apparently, the Keybearer was so used to only introducing himself and his two fighting companions that he forgot to add the other two in the mix.

Embarrassment flickered through the lad's eyes, and he hastily added, "Oh, and Kairi 'n Riku…" He waved in their direction.

The Mayor blinked once again, putting some distance between him and the overbearing boy before responding.

"Um…nice to meet you…Sora, Donald, Goofy…" his eyes passed over each one as he said their names, "and Kairi and Riku. I'm Mayor Thomas, the mayor of the town, obviously." He tugged at his jacket proudly, puffing out his chest as the moment of awkwardness had passed.

The group blinked simultaneously at the little man as he continued. "And I must say I am rather proud that you have come to upkeep this farm. You must be the replacement farmers. For you see, the old man who ran this farm died a year ago, and we recently received tragic news that his grandson Jack would not take over his farm despite it being bestowed on him through the old man's will. He said he was sending a replacement for him, and you must be them!"

"Wait, we aren't the-" Riku began, putting up his hands as though to block such a statement off, but he was interrupted by Thomas.

"Nonsense! You obviously are. Why, considering the fact that you possess both a dog and a rooster." at this, the humans of the group look back at Donald and Goofy, and now it finally registered with them that they had transformed when coming in contact with this world.

Sora's eyes brightened as he ran over to the Knight and the Mage. "Cool Donald! You turned into a rooster! And Goofy, you're a dog!" He poked both of his friends to make sure that what he saw was real. Apparently the magic of transforming ones being in order to accommodate them in the world only affected the non-human party members.

"Whaaaaaaat? Why am I a filthy rooster?" squawked Donald, pushing Sora's finger away from him as he looked over his newly formed self. Goofy looked hurt.

"But I've always been a dog, Sora…"

_An odd bunch we have here. But nevertheless it's good to finally have someone to keep up the farm. _The mayor mused to himself. But his thoughts were broken as a low voice interrupted.

"Just out of curiosity, you don't happen to have strange creatures running around Mineral Town? They have symbols on their bodies that resemble hearts, but there are some that are entirely black," Riku stated, remembering why they were here in the first place. "And there are others that possess different symbols…almost like upside down hearts if I remember correctly…"

The mayor shook his head, and Riku sighed, crossing his arms, jade eyes closed as though annoyed. Sora turned his attention away from the animals and grinned once again.

"Yes! A vacation! Of course we'll help out with the farm!" He stated, always being the sort to help out.

"What?" the others said together. At this, the spiky-haired boy grabbed Riku and Kairi, pulling them in closer so they formed a huddle around Donald and Goofy.

"Until the real replacement for the farmer comes, we might as well. Once he comes for the farm, we'll be outta here!" Sora explained, eying his friends with that usual glint in his eyes. The others glared at him; Kairi crossing her arms to mimic Riku's stance, and Donald attempted to, but found his wings wouldn't work in such a manner so he merely puffed out his feathers. The only one who seemed to understand where Sora was coming from was Goofy, who nodded in agreement.

"Once again, Sora has a point." The surprisingly thoughtful one stated, sitting down on his haunches. "We just can't be leavin' a farm like this to stay abandoned any longer, a-hyuck. I've been thinkin' that this sort of town depends on this here farm, and this town can't be waitin' any longer for them reple…replec…re-"

"Replacements." The group stated in sync.

"Right! They can't be waitin' any longer for them replacements to come. I mean, it _is_ our job to help out those in need, right?"

Considering Goofy had laid out everything Sora was trying to get at, the boy turned his attention back to the mayor, who was looking rather rejected from the huddle. Mayor Thomas threw him a quizzical look, but the sudden thumbs up he received from the lad made the mustachioed man smile, rubbing his hands together.

"Great, I'll show you to the house then. I'll assign someone to give you a tour of the town tomorrow, and they'll show you to the blacksmiths once the tour is over. They might be able to help fix your machine-thing. We have plenty of ores in the mines." The mayor stated as he began his way towards the run down farmhouse.

Sora grabbed Donald's beak shut when he saw the bird about to correct the man that the Gummi Ship used gummis rather than ores, and the group followed tout suite.

"Now then," began the red-clad man, making a sweeping hand gesture to the door in front of them. "Here's where you'll be staying, obviously. It isn't big, considering the man's wife died when Jack's father was still a toddler. And when his son moved out, he never really kept it up, considering his family only stayed during the summer, and they normally slept in the Inn." While he was telling them the man's life story, he patted at his pockets, as though looking for something.

"Now where did I put that key…" grumbled Thomas, reaching his hands into the pockets of his jacket.

"Oh, a Key?" Sora couldn't help but let out a mischievous grin, and Kairi and Riku's hands met their faces. Donald grumbled slightly, and Goofy still had that permanent goofy smile plastered on his face. "No need to find one." The lad held out his hand, and the familiar shape of the Kingdom Keyblade materialized in his grasp. The mayor jumped back slightly as the Keybearer held the weapon towards the lock. A beam of light emitted from the head of the strange object, and a click was heard. As soon as the task was done, the Keyblade disappeared from his grasp.

The mayor grabbed at the door handle, and his jaw dropped slightly as he twisted the once-locked door open. "Well, well, well…you think you've seen it all…What is that thing?"

"Just a little thing I like to call a Keyblade," Sora states, crossing his arms. He opened his mouth to say more, but the look Riku gave him shut him up.

The hinges creaked as the door opened wider, and the mayor flicked the switch on, showing the group a run-down room that equaled the state of the outside. A table was situated in the center of the small house, a chest placed in the corner seeming to be filled with the basic tools of farming, and there was a simple television resting on the back wall. Next to it was a book shelf filled with musty books, and beside it was an equally musty blue couch. And to top it all off, there was no kitchen or bathroom. And to top it off, everything seemed to be covered in a layer of dust, causing Kairi to wrinkle her nose in disgust. But everyone, save for the mayor's, attention was situated upon the single bed shoved up against the right handed wall.

"Now, you can always upgrade your house to get a kitchen and a bathroom, but there is an outhouse that one can use until then, for bathroom needs, of course. There's a doghouse outside and a chicken coop as well, so that's where you can put your animal friends…and there are a couple of channels one could watch on the tele-"

"Uh, sorry for interrupting, sir…" the light, airy voice of Kairi echoed through the otherwise empty house, cutting the mayor's speech short. "But…there seems to be a problem…"

The mayor looked at her and nodded, waiting for further explanation.

"You see, there are three of us," the girl continued, meaning human-wise at least, "And there's only one bed…"

"Well, I was _going_ to say that you can upgrade your house further to get more beds. But the couch does pull out for another cot, but it's only strong enough to hold one more person. Now then, I shall be leaving you all to get situated in your new house, and expect your tour guide to come around sometime during eight." And with that, the door closed behind the group, and the mayor sauntered away.

"Well…me and Goofy are going to go outside now and check out our new sleeping spots…" the ex-duck said, and both he and the Goof exited through the little doggy door that was on the door. As it swung shut, Sora let out a nervous laugh as the three bright eyes still stared at the single bed.

"So…" The boy began, rubbing the back of his neck with his unscathed hand. An awkward silence filled the dusty air as no one said a word for a couple of minutes. It was Kairi again who spoke up.

"Well, two people are going to have to share a bed." She said, getting first awkward part out of the way. "And since I'm a girl, and can't trust either of you pubescent boys enough to share a bed with one of you, I call claims on the couch."

"Now wait a second Kairi," Riku stated, arms crossing over his chest once again. "You think one of us is going to take advantage of you if either of us is in the same bed." His jade eyes went over to Sora. "I can see Sora doing something like that, but I certainly-"

"Hey!" the flustered voice of a now-blushing Sora came through, interrupting Riku. "I wouldn't do anything like that to Kairi!" And an argument about whether the lad would be able to contain himself in such a position of being in bed with a certain crush pursued, and taking advantage of this, the Princess of Heart made her way over to the bed, and pulled it open, taking out the cot folded inside of it. She coughed slightly as dust kicked up from the movement, and then she turned back to the boys who were still arguing.

"…Considering you spent most of your time in a large glass bubble, you probably won't even understand how to control sudden urges. And the fact that you fell asleep half the time in health class when we were in school…" Riku argued, hands on his hips now as he bent down to Sora's height.

"Oh yeah, and what about you, Mr. Macho man of muscles and testosterone? Someone like you could _easily_ take advantage of a girl like Kairi and pin her down and-"

"ENOUGH!" Kairi yelled, her face extremely red from a blush that came from what the two were talking about. She pointed her finger at the newly laid out cot. "I'm sleeping here. You two can share the bed." And with that, she went outside to get their things from the Gummi Ship, leaving behind two very flustered boys to stare at her in surprise.

----:::----

The lights were shut off now, and night had descended on Mineral Town, the moon of the first day of spring still ripe in the sky. Kairi was sleeping peacefully on the cot, head up so she wouldn't inhale the dust that was infused with the sheets and the pillows. Donald and Goofy slept peacefully in their designated areas. The Gummi Ship hissed slightly as cold air began to settle around it, and some smoke emitted from the broken engine, but other than that, the night was peaceful. The strange contraption lying on the ground kept the wild dogs at bay, and the town was overall a quiet place after nine o'clock.

The only sounds that filled the air were the crickets humming their tune, the night birds singing their lulling lullabies, and the squeaking of springs as two boys stuck in a single bed trying to make themselves comfortable.

"Sora, you're touching me." growled Riku under breath, in attempts to not wake the sleeping Princess up.

"Well, I'm shoved up against the wall as far as my body can muster. Try making room, you lump," Sora's hushed reply came, his body squirming.

"If I move any farther, I'll fall off the frickin' bed. You obviously have no knowledge of personal space. You're too touchy-feely and emotional. You're like a woma- ouch!" Sora had delivered a quick kick to Riku's shin.

"Oh yeah? Well, mister 'I'm so much older than you and therefore am more mature,' why don't you-"

"I have a better idea. Why don't the two of you shut the hell up and take this like the men you are, or I'll be forced to contort you two into a terribly awkward position that would be impossible to get out of without breaking your backs." Came a snarl from pull-out cot, and both Riku and Sora looked over at the lump with wide eyes.

"…"

"'Night Riku…"

"Good night, Sora…"

----:::--------:::----

**I thank everyone for the lovely reviews. Hopefully I'll be able to update as often as my readers would like. I don't believe there'll be spoilers…or any **_**major**_** spoilers to the game, considering this really has nothing to do with the real events of the game (man I hope I worded that in an understandable way). But they may make references to the past every now and then, so I can't guarantee this to be completely free of spoilers.**

**And I apologize for the grammatical errors and whatnot you'll probably find. Especially tense-wise…but hey, we can't all be perfect, can we?**

**Carry on my: Wayward Child**


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